[Written today!]
I'm lost, no ideas. Why does everything seem so... mello? Empty? No just... waiting. Feels like I'm waiting for exciting, not exactly bored but not happy. Content. That's horrible.
Mind wonders to old commercials and techno, pop music to fill space. Bored, need a passion. Don't want to study, not because I hate hw but because everything seems so ... meaningless. I say that with no smugness. I'm scared of writing, why? Afraid of judgement, failure, lack of detail or information, won't get things right the first time.
Afraid of myself?
But does it really matter? No one will see it... permission to fail, to be bad. Nothing bad will happen if it's just me.
[Was cooking at the time] Do I eat because I'm hungry or because I stall? Another mindless activity to occupy the mind.
[*Turns off cooling fan over pot*] Mindless fan, yea, I'm not hungry....
Dream goal: Write an inspiring story.
Long term: Write a story in the first place...
Short term: 2000 words a day.
COME ON.
I feel kind of dizzy. Too much computer? Probably not, but alittle. Too much *********? Ha, most likely.
What is this?
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